I once knew a woman ... who NEVER...really found a way to enjoy or see
the good in anything.... She grew up... like alot of people these days
in what we call a "broken" home.. never knew her Father ... and never
spent alot of quality time with her own Mother... and was raised by her
Grandmother and Grandfather. She grew up with little self confidence or
inner strength. She was encouraged by her family although they may
have not been her "real"family step or half.. but she always found a way
not to accept any joy, comfort, peace ... or contentment.
She
wondered through life trying to "find" and push people to pay attention
but only proved that she showed her jealousy and self pity. She went
through the normal routine of marriage and gave birth to two children.
Never still finding any joy.. always thinking that she deserved better
... nothing was ever good enough... no mater what was done. She was
extremely over protective over one child by keeping her from everything
never allowing her to blossom and grow ... never showing support
encouragement, never validating her or her talents or even true love for
that matter.. the other was pushed as he was to be a "provider". She
found any and every opportunity to push him and give him everything no
matter what it was.. He was given lots of opportunities in life.. but
couldn't never deal with life's pressures.. and so he resorted to a life
of drug addiction... to medicate and escape stress. This woman enabled
her son continually constantly covering for him and constantly giving
him tidbits of help thinking that she wasnt part of the problem... but
thats exactly what she was .. a major part of the problem with both her
children.. She ALWAYS needed attention.. it was pretty much abnormal ...
for an adult ..and a parent to been so needy of attention... as never
really grew as a person... it was the same childlike behaviors demanding
acceptance and attention... even as an adult. Always feeling sorry for
herself...always looking for that "fairytale" life... soo pathetically
sad.. as she made her own children suffer from her own inadequacies ...
always parenting out of guilt, never being grateful, thankful,
appreciative ... always thinking everyone including God, yes God, owed
her something. It was really miserable to watch ... even to the point
where she tried to steal the limelight from her one and only
Grandchild... She didn't deserve the privilege of experiencing the
wonderful gift of a Grandchild as she destroyed any joy, excitement or
happiness... of this beautiful experience.. the jealousy, resentment,
bitterness, self pity continued to dominate her life... and she let it
.. and wallowed in it.. no matter what positivity was shown to her. It
was like a horrible movie to watch... and couldn't shut off.. The self
pity finally consumed her.. she completely cut everyone of her family
out.. and chose to accept a complete stranger that gave her attention
and saw an opportunity to take advantage of her bitterness.. and
literally took everything... without batting an eye... only siding with
the bitterness, resentment and self pity. They were both very much
alike... it was really horribly sad to see in progress... but it
happened... and unfortunately to her demise.. unfortunately she died
alone without family, bitter, alone ... filled with resentment and
jealousy... thinking only of herself...what a horrible existence I used
to pray for her... and then ending up just being frustrated ... as she
was truly blinded by all her negativity.. I just had to give her to
God... Her time her on Earth is finished .. she has to square things up
with God herself.. just so very sad...
