Wednesday, November 5, 2014


I once knew a woman ... who NEVER...really found a way to enjoy or see the good in anything.... She grew up... like alot of people these days in what we call a "broken" home.. never knew her Father ... and never spent alot of quality time with her own Mother... and was raised by her Grandmother and Grandfather.  She grew up with little self confidence or inner strength.  She was encouraged by her family although they may have not been her "real"family step or half.. but she always found a way not to accept any joy, comfort, peace ... or contentment.
She wondered through life trying to "find" and push people to pay attention but only proved that she showed her jealousy and self pity.  She went through the normal routine of marriage and gave birth to two children.  Never still finding any joy.. always thinking that she deserved better ... nothing was ever good enough... no mater what was done.   She was extremely over protective over one child by keeping her from everything never allowing her to blossom and grow ... never showing support encouragement, never validating her or her talents or even true love for that matter.. the other was pushed as he was to be a "provider".  She found any and every opportunity to push him and give him everything no matter what it was.. He was given lots of opportunities in life.. but couldn't never deal with life's pressures.. and so he resorted to a life of drug addiction... to medicate and escape stress.  This woman enabled her son continually constantly covering for him and constantly giving him tidbits of help thinking that she wasnt part of the problem... but thats exactly what she was .. a major part of the problem with both her children.. She ALWAYS needed attention.. it was pretty much abnormal ... for an adult ..and a parent to been so needy of attention... as never really grew as a person... it was the same childlike behaviors demanding acceptance and attention... even as an adult.  Always feeling sorry for herself...always looking for that "fairytale" life... soo pathetically sad.. as she made her own children suffer from her own inadequacies ... always parenting out of guilt, never being grateful, thankful, appreciative ... always thinking everyone including God, yes God, owed her something.  It was really miserable to watch ... even to the point where she tried to steal the limelight from her one and only Grandchild... She didn't deserve the privilege of experiencing the wonderful gift of a Grandchild as she destroyed any joy, excitement or happiness... of this beautiful experience.. the jealousy, resentment, bitterness, self pity continued to dominate her life... and she let it .. and wallowed in it.. no matter what positivity was shown to her.  It was like a horrible movie to watch... and couldn't shut off.. The self pity finally consumed her.. she completely cut everyone of her family out.. and chose to accept a complete stranger that gave her attention and saw an opportunity to take advantage of her bitterness.. and literally took everything... without batting an eye... only siding with the bitterness, resentment and self pity.  They were both very much alike... it was really horribly sad to see in progress... but it happened... and unfortunately to her demise.. unfortunately she died alone without family, bitter, alone ... filled with resentment and jealousy... thinking only of herself...what a horrible existence  I used to pray for her... and then ending up just being frustrated ... as she was truly blinded by all her negativity.. I just had to give her to God... Her time her on Earth is finished .. she has to square things up with God herself..  just so very sad...