Tuesday, July 16, 2013

A Very Sloww death....

Not sure where to start... all I know is that I have no sympathy for someone that doesnt want to help themself..  I never realized .. how much I really had things together... or why I was soo resentful for years ... till I saw him laying in his bed .. not even being able to keep his eyes open... but still denying... he doesn't have a problem at all.  Sooo very sad and really pathetic.  To be honest, I never really felt close to the guy.... he was always so arrogant and always acted like he knew everything.  
It made me not like him even more... with each and every event ... and how he always seem to want more but just was never able to accept ... that he could have really had more.. if ONLY HE WOULD HAVE GONE THROUGH THE STEPS....

I just don't get it!!!  
How can someone SOO SMART be soooo STUPID!!  
I just keep thinking "Life is too short.. Wake the F up!!"
Through the years ... I've been always called on to "Call the hospitals, call the jails.. he's missing again!!"  I really hated that but more importantly really didnt understand his actions..Addictions are what they are ... ADDICTIONS! 
Addiction is the continued use of a mood altering substance or behavior despite adverse consequences, or a neurological impairment leading to such behaviors ...
We all have addictions of some type.  Whether its smoking, drinking, eating or my vice is shopping.. 

Its our way of dealing with some type of an emotional trigger... stress or just dealing with the problems in life.  Addiction is a weakness.. of NOT being able to deal with life!

It surely is a shame seeing him waste his life on each and every  

"binge" event and seeing his body and

 mind deteriorate.. was just plain sad. 

 I really really dont get it!!

Such a very sad state of affairs...

Crack cocaine is the freebase form of cocaine that can be smoked. It may also be termed rockwork,[1] hardironcavvybase, or just crack; it is said to be the most addictive form of cocaine,[2] although this has been contested. Crack rocks offer a short but intense high to smokers.[3][4] Crack appeared primarily in impoverished inner-city neighborhoods in New YorkLos Angeles, and Miami in late 1984 and 1985.

What a horrible existence.. but it
continues and continues.. because he thinks he has this thing licked cause he can clean up and keep everybody snowed.. but as I see it... but there might not be a next time.. 
Waiting, waiting and waiting... just STUPID.... just STUPID... 

I'm really not understanding this need to ALTER YOUR MIND.. to be COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTROL.. what is the true attraction of this horrible life changing and altering existence. What is the REAL attraction... what is it? 

This is really about a way that a person who is in no different position than the rest of us... as far as just trying to make ends meet in a horrible economy.. but he choses to bandaid.. or medicate the situation trying to forget or just not plain deal with life ...

I've lived through this life.. thinking that I may have missed out.. and should have pursued a "real" career.. or business.. but when it comes right down to it .. I'm the lucky one.. I know where my heart is .. I have strong passions that are reached everyday.. I grow in my God given talents everyday

... I might not be rich in the bank, fancy job, a luxury home.. but I have my very strong FAITH... and a loving Husband and Daughter.. and our Herbert.. and God as the head of my life..

Aloha & A Hui Hou